To the Death of Mr. Ugly & a Clean Floor

It is 10:30 am on Wednesday, January 11, 2012. My boys are at school. My husband is at the office. The animals have been watered and fed. The laundry is done, folded, and put away. The sun is even shining. I'm free as a bird, for the next several hours at least, and can do pretty much what ever I please. So why is it that I am so incredibly unmotivated to do anything? Someone asked me this morning how it is I manage to be so calm. In response I speculated as to whether or not I am actually alive.....it feels an awfully lot like depression. Not the sort of depression where you are in a blue funk, or things just aren't going the way you want them to. This is the sort of depression that lingers on the edges of life and the living like a yawning chasm waiting to suck the unawares in. This is the sort of depression that I've spent years struggling against. It is not my friend. When Mr. Ugly (the specter formerly known as clinical depression) appears the best thing for me to do is to keep busy. It is not the time to write blog posts, or be creative with quilts. Those are both things that I love and enjoy. Mr. Ugly calls them a selfish and expensive indulgence that no one really enjoys. He is such a buzz kill. And, although intellectually I know that he is wrong, emotionally I am frail as cobwebs and steer clear. I know my creative self is not up to the battle. Sooooo, you haven't heard much from me lately. (Enter Mr. Ugly saying, "Like anyone would miss you!"). Funny, I have a hard time working up a passion about nearly everything....except my disdain for Mr. Ugly. I passionately hate his nasty evil self and his hold on my life. If he were a person I think I might even be able to murder the s.o.b. Just imagining it makes me smile. Weird isn't it?! For those of you reading this who really do care, and I believe you exist despite Ugly rumors to the contrary, yes, I have taken Rx for years. I currently take Ephexor and am working with my Dr to get off of it. Seems silly at the moment....why would you quit taking something that is so effective at slaying the beast? Side effects....oh yeah....when you run out you suddenly feel like you have the flu. Pray for me friends. I know I will be fine, God has his hands on me. For my part....I think I will mop the floor. It has been a very long time since it was last done. I'll be able to see my progress. It will smell good. AND with each squeeze of the mob I'm going to imagine ringing Mr. Ugly's scrawny neck. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad