I can't remember the music...but I remember the title, and the urgency of the message. Years ago I studied this beautiful Cantata by J. S. Bach. Lately the words seem to be resonating in my head...nudging my hands to write...even though my soul is reluctant.
A little over ten years ago my daddy died of a sudden heart attach. Not long after his 68th birthday, I got a call in the middle of the night telling me to come quickly, not that it mattered. He was gone long before I got there.
People play,"what were you doing when." I honestly don't remember what I was doing when I first heard about 9-11. I'm pretty sure that my first thought was to my then small children. Life had to stay "normal" for them. However, I still remember what I was doing when I got the call about my dad. Nothing has been normal since.
Not long after that I started taking anti-depressants. In those first days it was all I could do to knit a child's sock. My hands trembled. I cried all the time. I don't think I did much except knit that sock and watch old movies. At one point I was taking as much as 350 mg of Ephexor, as well as Ambien to keep me from grinding my teeth at night. It was then that I quit taking pictures of my kids and keeping photo albums for them. I didn't want to think about what I had lost.
A few months later my husband left. Those were dark, dark days. I was filled with the terror of an abandoned mom with three little ones to look after, a house full of pets, and no job. I hadn't worked in years...my job then was to take care of my boys. He left on a Sunday in May....told me to have a nice life and forget about him.
God is good. Even then He was taking care of me.
The dogs got loose one day. Just as I was mustering the boys to go look for them I got a phone call. A stranger had gone to their car to run some errands and no sooner had the door opened than my dogs jumped in. Honest. She wanted to know if I was home because she wanted to drop them off for me. How amazing is that?!
My dear one headed to the mountains to have it out with God. I am sure I will never know the whole story but he did tell me about ranting on the top of the mountain. Screaming at our Father and begging for the pending lightning storm to rid him of this life. All I can think of is Captain Dan in Forrest Gump, tied to the mast of a shrimp trawler during a hurricane. In short, God won. Gilbert came home. Last March we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
I am awake at last, and it is Christmas.
|Made for me by my friend Kay Moulder!|
What a wonderful, wonderful thing.