Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Rainy Day Soul Searching

Thinking on a rainy day can be a really bad idea....especially for a deep sinking thinking bottom dweller like my self.

Waldorf is busy working on a bright yellow and blue quilt.  Very springy, and very happy...

Blue & Yellow Quilt
My big dog is snoozing at my side....
My big dog
Yup, she is THAT big!!  Rae loves me.  Love is the only word I can come up to describe her devotion to me, and that makes her dust puppies tolerable.
Outside my window it is grey and rainy.  No picture of that, what a waste of an image - it is that gloomy - so you will have to just imagine it.  (I think maybe the flowers bloom this time of year to cheer up the gloomy days.  Their colors are incredible against the gloom.  That would be worth a picture....)
Shelter Gardens
And I find myself thinking about Easter.  Jesus was born and died for the sole purpose of freeing me (and the rest of mankind) from condemnation.  That is to say, when all is said and done the thing that matters most, my standing before God,  is secure.  I don't have to wonder whether God is going to gather me into his arms in a fond embrace or cast me away forever.  My position in that wonderful everlasting hug is secure because Jesus paid the price.
So, why don't I live like it?!  Really, you would think that knowing The Father loves me and cares for me, and that there is a place prepared for me in heaven would out shine everything else.  He says that everything is going to work out for those on whom his favor rests...that would be what am I worrying about.   I am free to try anything.  Win or lose, succeed or fail, God is still going to love me, and it is all going to work for my good.  (Not to be confused with "in my favor"....sometimes good feels bad but turns out okay.)  That is beyond awesome!!
So why don't I live like it?  Why don't I try new things?  Why don't I venture out and see where the road takes me?  Why don't I laugh and tell stories and share the glorious freedom that has been given to me.  It was free.  I didn't do a thing to earn it, and I know for darn sure that I don't deserve it.  So why am I afraid?  I shouldn't be.
I am not that afraid of people in blog-land.  If you drop my feed it won't really make that much difference to me.  (shocking isn't it?!)
I'm not terribly afraid of my neighbors.  I honestly don't know many of them.  (Sad I know) The few that  I do know pretty much believe like I do.
I am okay with my kids....I am Mom.  I've got them brain washed into loving me.
BUT my husband, my mother, and my brothers all have free access to that sensitive layer just under my skin.  What they think matters to me....maybe more than it should. 
I can't help but wonder if maybe I've given something to these few that belongs to someone else.


Issabella The Cat said...

I understand what you're saying and wish I knew myself how to take that piece of ourselves back from the "ownership" of others and put it back where it belongs :)

HeatherSpence said...

totally get it, cindy. right there with you today. <3

Gale, Ky quilter said...

I know exactly what you mean. I have given too much to people in my life who didn't deserve it. People that are supposed to love me and care for me. In the past 7 months I have had the hardest time of my entire life and I'm 52 years old. I am taking back that power & just now seeing the light of day and it is beautiful. Hang in there and search for the answers. I can imagine you already have an idea of what needs to be done. Be courageous! You can do this!!!

Lynne said...

I understand! I've been there too many times not to! *hugs*

carol fun said...

Oh I think most of us know that feeling... I have faith that the Lord will watch over us and protect our hearts. The new and the unknown can be scary, but I've found the first step is the hardest Not every venture will turn out but we will survive and find comforts in those that love us. Take care- hugs!

Janine said...

I too think some people are difficult sometimes. I don't have any suggestions but sending you hugs xxx

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

Very interesting and thought provoking post. I like how you describe your children....we are wonderfully complex people aren't we.

Erin @ Why Not Sew? Quilts said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Cindy. Praise God for the amazing Gift he has given!